This weeks struggles 6/29/19-7/3/19

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This week I’ve been facing a lot of battles... suffering from mental illness is talked about yes but it’s another world living with it. My depression and anxiety been playing it tough. It all started Sunday morning I woke up covered in sweat and tears. My system then started to go into shock my body will start convulsing as I am forced to throw up. These episodes are violet and common for maybe PTSD survivors like myself. But as I finally started to recover after hour of vomiting and shaking (for those in my life know months of these episodes have left my stomach throat and teeth damage as stomach acid is no joke) Going hand in hand my depression kicked into high gear. Leaving me crying myself to sleep every night this week begging for these thoughts and feelings to subside. My life is wonderful I have a great job work full time. I live in a nice neighborhood with sweet landlords, not to forget about my supportive boyfriend and friends trying their best. So feeling this way cause great guilt on my heart. Many people including my family would always say “why you so depressed, just be happy, why are you crying, drama queen”. Sadly many  sentences and hurtful words such as those are thrown into many survivors faces yet they only help put us in the grave. I cry as these words echo in my head, tears streaming down my faces crying for a reason trying to justify my struggles. But I shouldn’t have to justify.. I just want to feel connected to my soul again. These nightmares sadly haven’t stop and the event they keep pulling me back to is so evil and sinister. ( I share a lot of here but there’s so many events I choose to keep private) This week is a battle every day is a battle but I’m here I’m alive and I’ll keep going. I really love you guys... IF NO ONE SAID I LOVE YOU TODAY YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. 


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