Posts

For you...

-
I’m writing this as an I’m sorry... I’ve deleted a lot of content on this blog. As I continue my journey with growing up I see my mind and thoughts evolving. I feel my maturity brewing but still my inner child blossoming. I’m 18 just graduated high school I work full time plus about to start college. A girl wanting it all... but I still have those hard times. A storm about to burst along the Oceanside and I just gotta ride the waves. I really miss writing I miss the world I miss you my reader. Yes I’m a small micro blog on the internet but every single one of you mean a great deal to me. I hope to make you proud or at least not be seen as a waste of time. I miss the person I was a long time ago but I’m falling madly in love with the person I am today. My life is one big beautiful mess and so will this blog be. I will write whatever entraps my mind or whatever feeling I wish to convey. Please Subscribe with your email or add me on google to keep up to date. With all love I can give you
Post a Comment
Read more

why i've been so distant from everything opening up about my physical health

-
Health is a very touchy subject with me. Considering I am the biggest baby when coming to doctors hospitals etc... But its time for me to finally grow up and get help. Don't take it wrong I've been trying and will continue but being 18 on your own no family and living where we have the worst health insurance system possibly its not easy. Yes I'm am so grateful its free due to my broke ass (yet i work full time pay rent, phone, so much more) but i just wish it would run a little smoother. Yes beggars cant be choosers or what ever that expression means now a days but being extremely sick and blacking out few times a week/ month is terrifying. Mini seizure episodes or just straight dropping dead then randomly coming to or on top of that my throat and teeth being eaten away from stomach acid (panic attacks all day every day gotta love it) I feel as if i am slowly falling apart as i try and build this new life. My health feels like its even take its toll on my relationship. My l
Post a Comment
Read more

Holy shit I made friends

-
I am happy to report that I Olivia Marie Addario have made friends and feel as i am stepping into my Carrie Bradshaw moment as i have found my Miranda, Charlot, and Samantha. My life feels like its finally finding its footing in this new adult world i was so rushed into. Opening up a little my anxiety around the subject of social interaction has been a challenge this year. Its been a learning experience coming to terms with new chapter. I'm all alone out here no family and no friends besides my mans (so i thought....) then my ass deiced to grow up go out and speak to people. Knowing i could be rejected at any given chance but with the universe on my side it all worked out. I'm sitting on my bed in my newly re-done living this movie blog writer moment aka i am Carrie Bradshaw i repeat. Sorry i just really love sex in the city but..... Girlllll I did my room up, we got the fairy lights and a canopy above my bed. Not to mention a tapestry of Mona Lisa smoking a joint pimped out wi
Post a Comment
Read more

New found hobbie?¿?

-
Image
Well yes I’ve been slacking on the blogging... but don’t forget to subscribe it reminds you every time I post. Since I haven’t been posting on here I re-vamped my Instagram shameless plug (@aye.its.oli) I got this photo editing app. Not just stupid facetune like semi decent photoshop. I took a class in high school and really enjoyed it but forgot about it. Maybe next semester I’ll try an on campus class for it... just maybe. Here’s my first few pieces!!!!!!            
Post a Comment
Read more

Just on time for success?

-
Success is a big word used to be held over many young adults but what is it actually? Is success to get a piece of paper with my name on it not to forget crippling student debt? Is it how many zeros and comas fill my bank account? Or is it smiling every day ( not all day of course) because you’ve reached inner peace? Many different people and ideas reach into their minds and develop this personal journey to be something. Doesn’t matter if it’s family that motivates, friends, job, school, society, or just yourself it’s all a struggle to achieve this picture. For years my family all expected so much even though we came from nothing. I clearly didn’t reach any of those goals and my family relationships are complete shit. (If you know me then you know my mom and family situation that’s left me all alone ) Society wants me to be successful in a “Kylie Jenner” be young rich hot and insta verified. I will sit and compare myself to these different women of all backgrounds and see competition
1 comment
Read more

Im going to college!

-
Super exciting!!! I’m officially in college full time not to mention working full time. I’m taking all online this semester until I get my license and a car. My schedule includes Anthropology 101, Anthropology 102, Consumer and family finance, and English 101.    Hopefully I’m doing alright (2 requirements and 2 electives). I’m hoping to find a passion with in my time here at my local community college. Next pay period aka two weeks from now I’m going to go buy myself a new laptop for school. The fall semester officially starts come August 19, 2019. I have no clue for a major or where I could possibly want to transfer but I think that’s the magic about finding ones self. I will need to get texts books school supplies etc... but I’m gonna wait till it’s my next check and I’ve emailed my professors. I’ve looked at each of the profs @ rate my professor ( I really recommend the site, gives you a better insight at the class and how the prof is) I did ok two good ones and two mediocre. It’s
Post a Comment
Read more

This weeks struggles 6/29/19-7/3/19

-
Image
This week I’ve been facing a lot of battles... suffering from mental illness is talked about yes but it’s another world living with it. My depression and anxiety been playing it tough. It all started Sunday morning I woke up covered in sweat and tears. My system then started to go into shock my body will start convulsing as I am forced to throw up. These episodes are violet and common for maybe PTSD survivors like myself. But as I finally started to recover after hour of vomiting and shaking (for those in my life know months of these episodes have left my stomach throat and teeth damage as stomach acid is no joke) Going hand in hand my depression kicked into high gear. Leaving me crying myself to sleep every night this week begging for these thoughts and feelings to subside. My life is wonderful I have a great job work full time. I live in a nice neighborhood with sweet landlords, not to forget about my supportive boyfriend and friends trying their best. So feeling this way cause grea
Post a Comment
Read more

Saving myself or saving you?

-
“Do you understand how rare it is to get a chance to save someone?” ~ Garth Risk Hallberg. Save yourself before you save another. To many broken hearts trying to repair one another. Being a person who’s gone through a lot and suffered the cost I’m still learning what it is to live. With my recent struggles with my mental and physical health I take this to heart. Not only have I been learning but a young man has taught me a lot. To save someone is not a physical action necessary it is an act of the heart for someone you truly care for. It can hurt but can also bring a lot of joy. Full disclosure (yes this is the internet where nothing dies) I’ve written of my suicide attempts and struggles that have shaped me into who I’m still becoming, but the lesson of salvation is not easy. (Not the religious type of salvation) But what I call my salvation is when I finally looked in a mirror so angry and emotional tired of this craving to hurt myself or wishing for death. No to mention a boy (when
Post a Comment
Read more