The storm within

How or why do we have sympathy or these neuropathways that make us feel? Is that what makes us human... I just don't know. If we feel for one another or care why do I see this? I see everyone walk by moving along in life but cant you see that deep down I"m breaking away. Until I'm nothing but a hurricane that you can only see if you look deep within or see the storm swirl in my eyes, I'm happy in life, yet I wanna die. Am I  bipolar teenager because of crazy hormones or is my depression created a life of deadly disasters? I hate this so much, I'm so happy then a storm builds up in the walls of my mind and breaks me. This storm floods my eyes with tears and fills my veins with destruction for I can not be happy. This storm wiped out my life and then like a drug it makes me forget the storm. But I still must face the devastation and damage after the storm and rebuild. I rebuild just to get blow away again. I'm so happy but the sunshine will never outshine this bitch of a hurricane. I'm sick of the flood that flows through my eyes but when the flood finally drys up how I still can't see the sunshine because my eyes never leave the eye of the hurricane. I scream and howl with these winds I blow the people I love away so they may never get hurt from the storm. For this endless cycle is lethal and might drown them is misery. I can not watch this storm take me away from them so I send them away before the flood and destruction, I could not watch them bear to see the storm kill a piece of me over and over with every hit of a wave. I'm trapped. When the storm hits land I just try to push it out of sight but it builds and builds till its winds are screaming for blood and its forces knock the life out of me. I can no longer fight it. I let it consume me until whats left is an empty shell floating on the water only breathing but no longer living. For I am now the storm but no one saw this happen to me. No one saw me screaming for a rescuer to take me and evacuate from this storm and never go back. But its too late I was trapped, the storm is now my home.